Freeforming Circles

So, questions are better.

What side of a heart do you draw first?

"The right side. And my left is always lopsided" - from Emerald - as is the survey, which is long so I cut out some questions - I like doing the symmetrical fold and cut heart too.

Can you dive without plugging your nose?

Yes, I could live underwater, I might have been a mermaid once.

Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?

Ghast, nobody. 24 hours? Even if toileting and hygiene weren't an issue, I like a bubble, thank you.

Where are you right now?

Home in pajamas, trying not to thing about work. Wait I have pudding. One of my work perks is pudding, and I just remembered the chocolaty goodness I brought home. My new job will not have pudding, that will be an adjustment.

How many chairs at the dining room table?

I have 2 dining room tables set up all crafty and shit with one chair in between.

What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator?

Try to find an emergency escape hatch, fiddle with the buttons, maybe set off a smoke detector, if nothing worked, I'd just space out until someone arrived.

T or F: All is fair in love and war?

What is fair about either one? Both involve lots of travel and unfamiliar customs.

Do you like to sleep?

Not so much. I feel like I'm missing something, and I wake up anxious to get busy. I remember being a kid and being excited to go to another land for the night. My goal was always to remember as many dreams as possible. Sometimes I can tap into that, but not often enough.

Do you know which US states don’t use Daylight Savings?

I know it was the only thing I liked about living in Arizona. I resent daylight savings both ways, up and down.

Do you want a bright yellow ‘06 mustang?

What?

What’s something you’ve always wanted?

I really just miss having a dog.

Do you wear a lot of black?

I've been called Morticia a few times, yes.

Describe your hair.

Freshly dipped in red.

Where do you wish you were right now?

Actually, I'm liking where I am more and more. My carpets could be less stained, and I wish I were more tired.

28 Days and a Wake Up

New job, new job, new, job. My excitement props up my fatigue like dewy tent poles. I've been a counselor in a group home for teens for the last two years, working until midnight or later five nights a week. We're all about extremes, leave your moderation at the door, please. Wait, we don't say please. We say, "Look Bitch! Give me my fucking sweet snack, or I will fucking kick your ass! Fuck you! I am being respectful!" Or in a happy moment, "Fuck, Dog! This is best fucking porkchop I've had in my whole fucking life! You fucking rock! This is tight!"

Fucking, fucking, fuckity, fuck fuck. A quiet one passed through recently, and carefully whispered to me, "I never knew there were so many ways to use "fuck" in a sentence. I think I'm ready to go home now." She was one of the small handful of non-abused/non-abusive kids, who are sent to us for a reality check. Suddenly their parents are not so unreasonable, and they are desperate to return home to normal rules and boundaries.

Things I've lost track of: How many holes have been punched in walls, though I could estimate the number next to my face. How many times I've been called a bitch. The number of police visits, abuse stories, chairs thrown, and incident reports all blend together. However, the number of actual contacted hits in the last two years? Two. One between 2 kids that ended in less than 10 seconds, and one in my face. I hurt myself far more playing basketball.

Positive things I've lost track of: The number of ridiculous, laughing basketball games I've played. The number of children's stories I've read that the kids have never heard of. How many times I've watched a teenager draw for the first time, write a poem, play a song, and realize that they are actually good at it. Even, finally, the number of successful home placements and jobs has become blurry.

Now, it's time to get some sleep, to slow down a bit. I'll be working with a lot of the same kids, but in the daytime, and in fewer numbers. I'm afraid I'll get bored and antsy, but I'm sure I'll find something interesting to channel my energy. Something that involves less swearing. A pair of sparkly Mary Janes skipped by me on a four year old last week, and I said aloud, and luckily just out of earshot, "Damn, those are some nice fucking shoes!"

Chopped Thoughts

It's a lovely morning for a woodchipper. Oh look, it has a little flag on it. Wake up, get some mulching in before lunch. What? It's 1 pm? How does that happen? No wonder my morning dreams were so noisy. Race cars, a broken xerox machine, and a flock of bees drowned out the words of the other dream participants. Eww, and one of them became an asshole english teacher from highschool, who I haven't thought of in years. Weird - to Betsy - Mr Scott - how the hell did he get in my dream? I can hardly remember having any interaction with him. The woodchipper turned someone else into him.

Sunny, crisp and blue today. I wish work started now. One more month of midnight swing shift, then the new job begins. Moving to a new time of day is almost as good as moving dwellings.

Tips

You know your family is materialistic when ups trucks trigger flashbacks.

But why?

So now, youtube won't work for me here? Oh well, at least I'm back home in green blogger land.

Wordpress is holding me hostage

That dashboard feature is still gone. I can't post or delete my blog. I'm a technological retard. Blogger is for retards. Yay for retards. I tell my work kids not to say retard. It's inappropriate and I like to reserve it for my own personal use. One of my favorite co-workers says, "if it doesn't have a sexual orientation or a developmental disability, please don't call it gay or retarded." That phrase is reserved for staff. Thank you.

Early

Back here now. I have no patience for plug-ins, the dashboard dealy is missing, and the font over at wordpress is making me itchy. Blogger's puffy print for computer retards suits me spot on.

I disappeared for a while, mired in social services burn out. I applied for about 52 jobs and 38 apartments in the last 2 weeks, and landed, nothing. Some exaggeration there, but not much. Then I had a good day again, and I was very happy to not have gotten any of the 73 jobs I applied for. Now, I am testing out a day schedule this week, in hopes for a little change and more sleep. It's 7:22 am. This is airport time. Except I'm only going four blocks.

Moving over here -

- for a bit to see.

Mauve Matters

Mostly because I twisted my ankle, and I'm antsy for something complicated. For me, wordpress is complicated. But there you are.

so far

~

What would you say...you do here?

I have people skills!

Stop writing and go to sleep

I have sea legs, the day was so full. Among the rainy beach with romping dog, work duties of basketball and cake baking, hot sweaty dancing, and an unfamiliar living room speckled with pretty eyes, one shiny moment is gleaming through. I was writing the inventory of a girl's belongings at work, going through her make-up, noting each brand on the form for her to sign. Even with my new glasses, I had to squint closely at each name, holding it up to my face. Mass carrr a? No, mass what, mass aaa ger? Massager? Oh, she says, that's my vibrator, sorry about that.

Dog Makes Sleep

So many things to dream of in eight luscious hours. Two consecutive such nights, and my memory is a storybook of images. Bright primaries, fragrant trees, and the energy to race through them. Last week, I declined a ride on a carnival train, because I was too weary to rise from the brown, prickly grass. I whined to myself that there were likely as many ants on the train as there were on my legs, and when I awoke for the zillionth time that evening, it took a full minute to know where and when I was. You know you're fatigued when you whine in your dreams.

But, now, I have the dog for 2 weeks, and clearly, I need to create permanent dogdom. The security is huge as my neighbors become sketchier each day, but truly, it is the warmth on my feet and the pulse of another life nearby. I can drop my guard and shut my brain off without worry. All is safe in the land of the furry.