Pelagia Noctiluca

Pelagia Noctiluca

Friday, July 4

Worth It

If I read through my old journals, I think, "dude, try whining a bit more." Then I note the dates, and the lapses in between entries. I look for even one page that is positive, and find none. I tend not to write when I'm at peace. I use writing to sort myself out, and blog writing has become a way to do it more honestly. Do I mean that I lie in my handwritten journals? Well, yes, actually. I'm a lot meaner in there too. Here, everything has to be honest and at least somewhat objective. My words are legible and waiting to confront me the next day. So, I haven't blogged in 2 weeks because I've been happy with nothing to vent about. Sometimes I need to post a video, because that better conveys my chipperness. Today? I'm frustrated with things that I feel I can't blog about. My brain is rehashing old gripes that are making me freshly angry again. Regrets are a waste of time, I know that, but I still feel like yelling at people who I should have yelled at louder the first time.

On the positive side of things, because I do hate whiners, I'm feeling better after being sick for a couple of days. I'm pretty sure I slept for 36 straight hours. I'm excited for the festivities tonight with people I dearly love. I have been sleeping in a BED for 3 days! Funny, maybe that's why I got sick, so my body could lounge in bed. You see, it would have been too self pitying to share that I have been sleeping on my couch for 10 months. Damn. 10 months since I lived with my husband, my dog, my bed. Sometimes it feels like yesterday, and other times I can hardly remember it all. A year ago today, I was miserable and accepting that there was no way out. But, that is never true, there is always a way out. You just might have to sleep on your couch for a while. You might even have to prop up your couch with books as it becomes a 3 legged couch. But, it's YOUR 3 legged couch, and you get to do what ever you want on it. It is worth it to make the effort to be happy.


Yo said...

congrats on standing up for yourself and your three legged couch. change usually hurts, but it's also usually worth it.

Romi said...

Keep on writing, I enjoy the way you right, and damn right it's your 3-legged couch! :-)

Pearly Blythe said...

Thanks for the comments. Besides, it's not as pitiful as a 3 legged dog. I think I'll name my couch, Pogo.