If I read through my old journals, I think, "dude, try whining a bit more." Then I note the dates, and the lapses in between entries. I look for even one page that is positive, and find none. I tend not to write when I'm at peace. I use writing to sort myself out, and blog writing has become a way to do it more honestly. Do I mean that I lie in my handwritten journals? Well, yes, actually. I'm a lot meaner in there too. Here, everything has to be honest and at least somewhat objective. My words are legible and waiting to confront me the next day. So, I haven't blogged in 2 weeks because I've been happy with nothing to vent about. Sometimes I need to post a video, because that better conveys my chipperness. Today? I'm frustrated with things that I feel I can't blog about. My brain is rehashing old gripes that are making me freshly angry again. Regrets are a waste of time, I know that, but I still feel like yelling at people who I should have yelled at louder the first time.
On the positive side of things, because I do hate whiners, I'm feeling better after being sick for a couple of days. I'm pretty sure I slept for 36 straight hours. I'm excited for the festivities tonight with people I dearly love. I have been sleeping in a BED for 3 days! Funny, maybe that's why I got sick, so my body could lounge in bed. You see, it would have been too self pitying to share that I have been sleeping on my couch for 10 months. Damn. 10 months since I lived with my husband, my dog, my bed. Sometimes it feels like yesterday, and other times I can hardly remember it all. A year ago today, I was miserable and accepting that there was no way out. But, that is never true, there is always a way out. You just might have to sleep on your couch for a while. You might even have to prop up your couch with books as it becomes a 3 legged couch. But, it's YOUR 3 legged couch, and you get to do what ever you want on it. It is worth it to make the effort to be happy.