Happy Birthday, David Bowie,
I'm sorry we couldn't be together today. I hope you got my messages, cards, and offers of undying affection and sexual favors. Don't worry, I was able to read between the lines of your restraining orders and threats of prosecution, and I know you'll always love me too. If there is an afterlife, I'll wait for you there, and you can croon to me in your ghostly fashion. Although since you're my parents' age, you'll probably get there first, so you just hold on and I'll be there after I do a few more things here first. In the meantime, I have your posters, records, books, and sparkly buttons to keep me snug at night.
Your only fan that truly matters, Pearly.