Friday, January 4
Teeter-totters always were my favorite
A friend told me tonight that my life is really intense. It's true, and seems it always has been. The times when I've not been very happy are the few times when life is calm, (calm or placid?), or when there is only one issue to focus on. Is this unhealthy or is this just me? If nobody manned the emergency rooms, we'd be screwed, right? Same with teen shelters, which feels very ER'ish a lot of the time. Legally speaking, we fall into the ER status of a "break as needed" facility, with the expectation of being able to go non-stop for 8-12 hours. This has never been a problem for me, though I do crash hard at the end of the week. My relationships outside of work have nearly equal intensity, and that is where I'm pondering the proper balance. Someone too calm doesn't want to hear about my job or gets worried about me, which makes me feel antsy and suffocated. Someone too intense throws off my balance, and my life becomes chaotic. I'm now applying for a potentially more chaotic job, and though I'm intimidated, I want it badly, and know I'll rock it if I get the chance. But, who will want to hear about it? More and more, I like the idea of a long distance intense relationship. Maintain the intensity in short bursts at a 60 mile long arm's length, assuming this is an option. Otherwise, I'll split my focus between the job and a dog, and resolve not to date my clients, figuratively speaking of course. Maybe that's the imbalance right now, I am presently dogless. But, you can't force these things. The right dog will arrive at the right time. Ideally, I'll get this job, find the right home, and on my walk home from the local coffee shop, some mangy creature will tentatively approach. Once I've determined that it is indeed a canine and not about to attack, then I'll invite it back to my place for something squeaky and a bite to eat. The clicking of its nails on my hard wood floors will echo my universe clicking into sync.
at 1:35 AM